This message was originally given by Paul Carhart at the Launch Pad gathering on December 20, 2008 and was followed by an extended worship time.
At this time of the year, it is common (and possibly even cliché) to pull out the old tried and true Christmas story. Mary and Joseph going to Bethlehem. No room in the inn. Born in a manger. Silent Night. Angels We Have Heard On High. Shepherds. Wisemen. Etc. And there’s certainly nothing wrong with that. The story is timeless and it reminds us not only of how our savior came into the world with little man-made fanfare. Even more importantly, and I believe the primary reason the story is in the Bible, is to bring into focus a good number of earlier prophesies that were fulfilled by Christ’s birth. It’s certainly something worth celebrating and it is, indeed, my favorite time of the year. It’s a time to spend with family and to share the gift of giving.
But what if there are members of your family that you’d rather not spend the holidays with? What does the Bible say about that? Can you put up a wall and shut them out? Or are you compelled to break bread with people who, if they were not a blood relation, you would never associate with?
First, Jesus makes it clear in Matthew that to follow Christ is to live a life of forgiveness.
Then Peter came to Him and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Until seven times? Jesus said to him, I do not say to you, Until seven times; but, Until seventy times seven.
Matthew 18:21-22
Forgiveness is just as important for the one who is doing the forgiving as it is for he or she who is being forgiven. If you do not forgive those who wrong you, your heart will become corrupt with the resentment and anger that will fester there. So whether or not one asks for forgiveness, according to Jesus, you need to forgive that person in order for YOU to continue to function in Christ. If the person who has wronged you asks you for forgiveness, you can therefore easily grant it because you’ve already forgiven them. But when one apologizes or asks for forgiveness, that connotes that the person has recognized that they have wronged you and that they will not do it again. What if a person asks for your forgiveness and then turns around and wrongs you in the same way again? Or what if the person who has wronged you has never asked for forgiveness at all? We are still to forgive them. Again, read the passage above. However, we do NOT have to continue to associate ourselves with that person. This is true of friends, associates AND family members.
Consider the following passage from Jesus’ youth:
And when he was twelve years old, they went up to Jerusalem according to the custom of the Feast. And fulfilling the days, as they returned, the boy Jesus stayed in Jerusalem. And Joseph and His mother did not know. But they, supposing Him to have been in the company, went a day’s journey. And they looked for Him among the kinsfolk and acquaintances. And when they did not find Him, they turned back to Jerusalem, seeking Him. And it happened that after three days, they found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, both hearing them and questioning them. And all who heard Him were astonished at His understanding and answers. And seeing Him, they were amazed. And His mother said to Him, Child, why have you done so to us? Behold, your father and I have looked for you, greatly distressed. And he said to them, Why did you look for Me? Do you not know that I must be about My Father’s business? And they did not understand the word which he spoke to them.
Luke 2:42-50
Here Jesus’ parents are surprised to find that He has remained at the temple. They had traveled out a day and therefore had to travel another day back before they found him. Two days he continued with the teachers without his parents! They were surprised to find Him there but He was just as surprised that they didn’t know what he was doing. In a similar way, if we are truly followers of Christ, our family members should be aware of it. They shouldn’t be surprised and if they want us to attend family functions, they should abstain from activities in which we would not be comfortable.
Now consider this passage from later in Jesus’ life, during His ministry:
But while He yet talked with the people, behold, His mother and His brothers stood outside, desiring to speak with Him. Then one said to Him, Behold, Your mother and Your brothers stand outside, desiring to speak with You. And He answered and said to him who told Him, Who is My mother? And who are My brothers? And He stretched out His hand toward His disciples and said, Behold, My mother and My brothers! For whoever shall do the will of My Father in Heaven, the same is My brother and sister and mother.
Matthew 12:46-50
Here, Jesus goes as far as to identify those with whom he is ministering to be His family even to the extent of denying family status to those who are his blood family. Clearly, He was making a point here and did not intend to permanently distance Himself from his mother and brothers. But the message is clear. Those who actively participate and partake of His ministry are the priority in His life. It is a clear guideline that we should follow.
Is this just the excuse we need ostracize everyone we disagree with spiritually or anyone who makes us uncomfortable? No. However, just as Jesus used His ministry to exclude members of his family, we can use the follow scripture from Proverbs to decide where to put up a wall between ourselves and others.
These six the LORD hates; yea, seven are hateful to his soul: a proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that plots wicked plans, feet hurrying to run to evil, a false witness who speaks lies and he who causes fighting among brothers.
Proverbs 6: 16-19
If there are people, family members or not, who continue to have a toxic hold on you, check them against this scripture. Jesus clearly did not make special provision for blood relations. If the toxicity of your relationship is not associated with one of the above-mentioned “sins” that the Lord hates, I would be very surprised. We can still pray for these people but I believe you have every right to exert a certain level of control over the extent of your exposure to these people.
Do not give that which is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet and turn again and tear you.
Matthew 7:6
Leave the Scrooges to themselves.
After all, ‘Tis the season to be jolly!
